Well....here I am...it's been SUCH a LONG "time" since I was here. John and I didn't sleep well, at all last night. Don't know why. He went in to work and I was happy that I didn't. I rolled over... grabbed the dog and cat and nuggled in for a long winter's "nap". Hopefully.
I slept, albeit fitfully....had some weird dreams. Then, the phone rang. It was my Laura.
Her: Hi Mom, How are you?
Me: I'm exhausted, didn't sleep well at all last night.
Her: Oh sorry, I'll let you go back to sleep.
Me: No....what's wrong? ( I'm her Mom, I can tell when something is awry....don't even have to see her)
Her: I'm at the Cemetary....at Gramma's. I hadn't been in a long "time".......
She is sad and quiet....two pretty unusual things for my Laura to be. We all miss Gramma/ Mom...so much. It is almost unbearable for us. The years and the passing of the "time"....does not get easier as they and it passes. Laura loved the Candy Cane wreath that John and I put at the Stone, for Mom and Dad. I thought that it would be nice to "switch it up" a bit from the usual "Wreath" that we would get and decorate for them each year, since they have been gone. Laura loved it. We reminised about how much that Gramma loved Candy Canes and Christmas.....how she always would decorate everything so cute.....Mrs. Claus, herself.
Me: Telling Laura of.... when I was little and how that my Dad would still be opening his presents, (My girls and he....they never had the pleasure of meeting one another, he unfortunately "passed" before that she and her twin, Julia were born.) and looking at all of the things that our wonderful, loving...."Mrs. Claus", had given the rest of us....
Daddy: To one of my brother's....ummm where did you get those?
( Drooling over a new pair of wonderful Wool Socks or a pair of Mittens or Gloves ?) Nice....he'd say...I'd like some of them too, Toot (his affecionate term of love for her). Of course, needless to say.....his wish was her command. Most likely, by the next day....he'd have "his""some" too. Oh the wonderful memories of those happy "times".
My parents were very "simple" ( if you could call them that.... people). The smallest (or the biggest , depending on how you look at it) things in the World would make them happy. One of the toppers of their list....ANY Family "Gatherings"..... around the Trees... filled with the ornaments of yore and elemetary pojects,( from all of their children and Grands.... that they would not of traded or sold for anything in this World , tables....filled with food galore, that they together, had made for all of us to share and enjoy...they were THE BEST cooks) Camp, front and back yards.... to have a cook outs in........or....the "times" being just around each and every one of us. That's all that mattered to them. Now....these too, have become my favorite things. Thanks Mom and Dad.....for loving your children and loved ones and wanting to share your "time" with us.
Always, Heather
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
My Day
Well, here I am the day after my 53rd birthday and feeling quite blue. It's not because of having another birthday....well ...maybe just a tad it is....I hate getting older because of the way that I look. But....once again....my siblings with the exception of Beth, made me feel inferior and un-loved. Starr, sent me a "Happy Birthday" THE ONLY "message" that was in the subject line.....that was it. My brothers, whom I never, to my knowledge, have EVER done anything to warrant their animosity towards me.... completely ignored "my day", this year. In the past, I at least have gotten a half-hearted greeting from them... via phone call. Brief as they always were... it did make me feel a little thought of and loved by them, at least on "the day". I know that basically one person is the root of my having problems with them.
This year, it seems as if everything has started differently.
My niece, whom I have loved from the minute that she was born, has asked if we can be in each others lives again. It's been three years since we have really barely said more than a "hello" to each other. We used to be like sisters. I must admit....It's a wonderful thing to hopefully, have her back in my life. To what degree, remains to be seen. ALL of this BAD drama in my life and others has been caused by basically one person. Beverly Starr Povey. It seems to me that she dwells on being absolutely miserable, self-indulged, vicious, mean-spirited and uncaring of others feelings. I don't know why that she takes such pleasure in being like this. I always am reminded of my Grandmother Webster, when I think of Starr. She is a CARBON copy of her. Face,body, and MOST of all personality. I can remember when I was a little girl and "dear Gramma" would come and visit my parents. By the time that she left....my poor mother was beside herself. She would sob for a very long time after the mean old hag would leave. Gramma would berate, riducule, de-mean, insult, and just plain be NASTY. I HATED to see her come, every time because, I knew what was going to happen while she was there and after she'd leave. This happened nearly EVERY time that she would come. Is that a normal way to feel when one's Gramma is coming for a visit? I KNOW NOT! I hated her because she used to hurt my Mother so deeply and not even bat an eyelash doing it. What the HELL is wrong with some people?! Why do they take such great pleasure in the pain of others? My Mother never told her off or asked her not to come. Right till the very end Mom was there for her Mom. I would have done differently. My Mother was an incredible, strong, wonderful, loving and caring woman to all that she loved. It's NO wonder why that she did love "her" family as much as she did. Thank GOD my Mom and Dad saved each other from others....who did not appreciate their incredible values. Mainly... their own families. I have hopes that one day, that Starr will wake up before that it's too late. She has burned so many bridges, especially with some of her children, me and others. It's sad. I used to really look up to her as a role model when I was a little girl. I lived for the times when she, Bill and the kids would come. It was such a joy to have them home. My parents would be over the moon. She was always so beautiful and fashionable. I loved spending the Summers at their home in Greece. I have SO many good and happy memories of those times. Over the years, I've seen a tremendous "change" in her. Not for the better. I know that she has faced and dealt with a horrible loss, when Kathryn died. I can't even imagine losing a child. I think that that has a great deal to do with some of the way she is now but....I and other loved ones are NOT the enemy.
I thank GOD for John, our girls and grandsons and sons-in-law. I am very blessed. They are the light of my life. I truly can't imagine my life without any one of them in it. Sure, we all have our moments but none of us blatantly try and go out of our way to hurt each other. Mental cruelty is one of the WORST cruelties possible. In some cases...to me, it's nearly unforgivable.
Well, enough "purging". My Honey is coming home soon. I'm going to go and put on a pretty outfit, fix my hair, smile and be happy to be alive. We're going to go out for my Birthday. It's time to "let it go" and enjoy all of the goodness and happiness that I have in my life.
This year, it seems as if everything has started differently.
My niece, whom I have loved from the minute that she was born, has asked if we can be in each others lives again. It's been three years since we have really barely said more than a "hello" to each other. We used to be like sisters. I must admit....It's a wonderful thing to hopefully, have her back in my life. To what degree, remains to be seen. ALL of this BAD drama in my life and others has been caused by basically one person. Beverly Starr Povey. It seems to me that she dwells on being absolutely miserable, self-indulged, vicious, mean-spirited and uncaring of others feelings. I don't know why that she takes such pleasure in being like this. I always am reminded of my Grandmother Webster, when I think of Starr. She is a CARBON copy of her. Face,body, and MOST of all personality. I can remember when I was a little girl and "dear Gramma" would come and visit my parents. By the time that she left....my poor mother was beside herself. She would sob for a very long time after the mean old hag would leave. Gramma would berate, riducule, de-mean, insult, and just plain be NASTY. I HATED to see her come, every time because, I knew what was going to happen while she was there and after she'd leave. This happened nearly EVERY time that she would come. Is that a normal way to feel when one's Gramma is coming for a visit? I KNOW NOT! I hated her because she used to hurt my Mother so deeply and not even bat an eyelash doing it. What the HELL is wrong with some people?! Why do they take such great pleasure in the pain of others? My Mother never told her off or asked her not to come. Right till the very end Mom was there for her Mom. I would have done differently. My Mother was an incredible, strong, wonderful, loving and caring woman to all that she loved. It's NO wonder why that she did love "her" family as much as she did. Thank GOD my Mom and Dad saved each other from others....who did not appreciate their incredible values. Mainly... their own families. I have hopes that one day, that Starr will wake up before that it's too late. She has burned so many bridges, especially with some of her children, me and others. It's sad. I used to really look up to her as a role model when I was a little girl. I lived for the times when she, Bill and the kids would come. It was such a joy to have them home. My parents would be over the moon. She was always so beautiful and fashionable. I loved spending the Summers at their home in Greece. I have SO many good and happy memories of those times. Over the years, I've seen a tremendous "change" in her. Not for the better. I know that she has faced and dealt with a horrible loss, when Kathryn died. I can't even imagine losing a child. I think that that has a great deal to do with some of the way she is now but....I and other loved ones are NOT the enemy.
I thank GOD for John, our girls and grandsons and sons-in-law. I am very blessed. They are the light of my life. I truly can't imagine my life without any one of them in it. Sure, we all have our moments but none of us blatantly try and go out of our way to hurt each other. Mental cruelty is one of the WORST cruelties possible. In some cases...to me, it's nearly unforgivable.
Well, enough "purging". My Honey is coming home soon. I'm going to go and put on a pretty outfit, fix my hair, smile and be happy to be alive. We're going to go out for my Birthday. It's time to "let it go" and enjoy all of the goodness and happiness that I have in my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)