Wednesday, January 28, 2009

My brother Ernest called me last night for my Birthday, which was the 21st.
He thought that it was next week? That's okay. At least he called.... that makes me very happy.
We had a nice conversation and I love him very much.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

My Day

Well, here I am the day after my 53rd birthday and feeling quite blue. It's not because of having another birthday....well ...maybe just a tad it is....I hate getting older because of the way that I look. But....once again....my siblings with the exception of Beth, made me feel inferior and un-loved. Starr, sent me a "Happy Birthday" THE ONLY "message" that was in the subject line.....that was it. My brothers, whom I never, to my knowledge, have EVER done anything to warrant their animosity towards me.... completely ignored "my day", this year. In the past, I at least have gotten a half-hearted greeting from them... via phone call. Brief as they always were... it did make me feel a little thought of and loved by them, at least on "the day". I know that basically one person is the root of my having problems with them.

This year, it seems as if everything has started differently.
My niece, whom I have loved from the minute that she was born, has asked if we can be in each others lives again. It's been three years since we have really barely said more than a "hello" to each other. We used to be like sisters. I must admit....It's a wonderful thing to hopefully, have her back in my life. To what degree, remains to be seen. ALL of this BAD drama in my life and others has been caused by basically one person. Beverly Starr Povey. It seems to me that she dwells on being absolutely miserable, self-indulged, vicious, mean-spirited and uncaring of others feelings. I don't know why that she takes such pleasure in being like this. I always am reminded of my Grandmother Webster, when I think of Starr. She is a CARBON copy of her. Face,body, and MOST of all personality. I can remember when I was a little girl and "dear Gramma" would come and visit my parents. By the time that she left....my poor mother was beside herself. She would sob for a very long time after the mean old hag would leave. Gramma would berate, riducule, de-mean, insult, and just plain be NASTY. I HATED to see her come, every time because, I knew what was going to happen while she was there and after she'd leave. This happened nearly EVERY time that she would come. Is that a normal way to feel when one's Gramma is coming for a visit? I KNOW NOT! I hated her because she used to hurt my Mother so deeply and not even bat an eyelash doing it. What the HELL is wrong with some people?! Why do they take such great pleasure in the pain of others? My Mother never told her off or asked her not to come. Right till the very end Mom was there for her Mom. I would have done differently. My Mother was an incredible, strong, wonderful, loving and caring woman to all that she loved. It's NO wonder why that she did love "her" family as much as she did. Thank GOD my Mom and Dad saved each other from others....who did not appreciate their incredible values. Mainly... their own families. I have hopes that one day, that Starr will wake up before that it's too late. She has burned so many bridges, especially with some of her children, me and others. It's sad. I used to really look up to her as a role model when I was a little girl. I lived for the times when she, Bill and the kids would come. It was such a joy to have them home. My parents would be over the moon. She was always so beautiful and fashionable. I loved spending the Summers at their home in Greece. I have SO many good and happy memories of those times. Over the years, I've seen a tremendous "change" in her. Not for the better. I know that she has faced and dealt with a horrible loss, when Kathryn died. I can't even imagine losing a child. I think that that has a great deal to do with some of the way she is now but....I and other loved ones are NOT the enemy.

I thank GOD for John, our girls and grandsons and sons-in-law. I am very blessed. They are the light of my life. I truly can't imagine my life without any one of them in it. Sure, we all have our moments but none of us blatantly try and go out of our way to hurt each other. Mental cruelty is one of the WORST cruelties possible. In some cases...to me, it's nearly unforgivable.

Well, enough "purging". My Honey is coming home soon. I'm going to go and put on a pretty outfit, fix my hair, smile and be happy to be alive. We're going to go out for my Birthday. It's time to "let it go" and enjoy all of the goodness and happiness that I have in my life.